A non-religious marriage speech

I'm honoured to speak at this wedding of these two wonderful people. Before I toast the bride and groom, I want to address them and briefly remind them of the values that they have decided to live by in this partnership. I hope that they will cherish and celebrate these values for the rest of their lives together.

Emphasise love, not duty
Marriage is a partnership, not a hierarchy. Be careful not to fully mould your relationship according to the expectations of religion, your respective families, or society. Although these institutions can be a source of great help, how you define your roles or pursue happiness together should be decided by the two of you and nobody else.

Enjoy sex
The primary purpose of sex is not to have children, or to fulfil some obligation or duty, but simply to have fun. Experiment and explore with each other as much as you like; bring out and excite the passions that form the basis of erotic love.

Keep your promises
But the most important thing in your relationship, dare I say even more important than the concept of monogamy, is trust and honesty.

With regards to trust: protect the marital boundaries that you have negotiated as a couple, by keeping the promises and agreements that you have made to each other.

Remove the power of secrecy
You might find it difficult to be honest with each other. For example, as you live out your married life, it will often happen you will be attracted to other people, and you might even fall in love with someone else. Despite what most believe, being attracted to others outside your marriage is not a reflection of an unhealthy marriage, but rather a reflection of the fact that you are wonderfully human.

But what may be sign of an unhealthy marriage is if you don't tell each other about such feelings and emotions. You will not achieve anything by keeping secrets from each other on issues that have the potential to affect your relationship. If you both strive towards the value of honesty in your marriage, you will remove the power of secrecy and be able to work through problems as a team.

Change is good
Finally, there should be no absolute rules defining your marriage. As you both change as individuals, so your marriage should change also. In time, you will both feel the need to renegotiate your boundaries and adapt your roles. This is okay. Just remember to do it together.

With these values in mind, will everyone please stand and raise your glasses in a toast. . .