Kevin: Um, hello? What’s happened to me?
Angel 1: Hello there. You have just died. Welcome to the gates of heaven.
Kevin: Heaven! Oh, my word! I was wrong. God really exists!
Angel 2: Indeed he does. Now, what is your name?
Kevin: My name?
Angel 1: Yes, we need to find your file.
Kevin: Okay. I’m Kevin Parry. That’s Parry with an ‘a’, not an ‘e’.
(A few moments pass as a large file is recovered from a cabinet and placed on the table. Both angels start reading)
Angel 2: Oh, dear. I’m sorry, but it looks as if you cannot enter heaven. Eternal torment for you, I’m afraid.
Kevin: Darn! I knew I should’ve taken Pascal’s Wager more seriously.
Angel 2: You see, your file says that you are an atheist. I will make arrangements for your transfer to Hades. . .
Angel 1: Hang on a moment! It says here that Kevin was a Christian. That means he qualifies for heaven.
Angel 2: (sighs) No, no. Kevin was a Christian, yes. But he has since rejected the saving grace of our Lord Jesus. He has lost his salvation.
Angel 1: Since when was that a rule? Once saved, always saved, right?
Angel 2: Where did you learn that?
Angel 1: Err . . . well, that’s my interpretation of the Word.
Angel 2: You have obviously interpreted incorrectly. The Word states that any person who stops believing is like the branch that breaks off the olive tree. Romans 11:17-22.
Angel 1: I beg to differ. The Lord himself, In John 10:27-29, says that no believer can ever be plucked out of his hand.
Angel 2: You are not reading that verse in context.
Kevin: Excuse me. . . .
Angel 1: But many of the Lord’s followers believe in eternal security. Take the Calvinists, for instance. . .
Angel 2: The Calvinists are wrong. It’s the Methodists that have it right: a human can loose his or her salvation.
Kevin: Sorry to interrupt. Are you going to let me in or not? I’ve had a bad day, being dead and all, and I want to get this over with.
Angel 1: Sorry about all this. You see, there are so many different teachings on important issues; so many interpretations of the Word; so many verses that seem to contradict each other. It’s all a bit confusing really.
Angel 2: I’m afraid you will have to go back to earth until this is sorted out with the boss up stairs.
Kevin: Does this mean that I will have a second chance at salvation?
Angel 1: Yes.
Angel 2: No.
(Everything fades as another fierce argument breaks out, and Kevin wakes up)
Kevin: Wow, what a horrible dream. That’s the last time I eat pizza just before going to bed.
Laughing Boy has posted a clever response to this dialogue over here.